|Some didn't go down at all, instead rocking|
Jun's face to death with some sweet arpeggios.
Since they were returning fire as well, Jun got tired of soaking damage and decided to test out the tranquilizer gun and found it to be super effective. But he didn't just put them to sleep, steal their money, and then take off. No, Jun took the the time to stand over their limp, crumpled bodies and expend the two or three clips needed to make sure they were good and dead. Jesus, Jun made the transition from awkward teenaged programmer to bloodthirsty serial killer so effortlessly, I think I'd better start wearing my "PROGRAMMERS DO IT ALL NIGHT" T-shirt more often just to be on the safe side. After replenishing his gambling losses (and then some!), Jun made his way to the next town only to be confronted by berserk robots gone wild.
|What would trashcan #2's parents think?|
This meant no more tranqing and even bullets didn't seem particularly effective. Plus, the robots couldn't help it that the master computer had gone haywire, so Jun wisely decided to escape most confrontations, a snap with the generous 95%+ evasion rate. This was a decision Jun would regret later, but at that time, he was happy to just be able to explore at his leisure and accomplish many good deeds. These kind acts included virus checking the master computer, restoring power to a town full of factories, and shutting down an animal genetic mutation experiment.
|It looks sad but this moo cow's got a|
ton of HP and hits as hard as a heffer.
That isn't to say the Jun was altruistic in all his endeavours for he also started collecting cybernetic parts and installing them, piece by piece, in a an effort to become less organically flawed. As the manchine, this is a goal that I can totally get behind and I grinned widely whenever Jun bolted on another part to himself. As soon as Jun started becoming more awesome, he also gained the ability to recharge his own energy, not needing to rely on carrying batteries or taking naps at the inn. It also enabled him to start using the Cyber Gun he had been carrying around, which interfaced with his cyberparts for maximum accuracy and damage.
|Being a former human, Jun knew that|
the weak spot is always the crotch.
Energy is used to power most weapons but can also be used to runtime some healing programs. Despite this major advantage, Jun was still severely under-leveled due to all the fleeing he had done, so it was back to Vegas to work on some easy pickings for a level or two. Jun then moved on to repeat the process in the areas he'd already explored, doing what he should have been doing the first time around — making the bodies hit the floor with dat rat-tat-tat-tat. He spent an inordinate amount of time in Human Town after getting dissed because of his being half machine. It is a pain I know all too well.
|So this is what it feels like... when doves cry.|
But it was nothing than a little wanton bloodbath couldn't cure and soon Jun was up to his cyber-pits in bodies, slaking his thirst before moving onto Robot Town, where he'd finally be able to get some acceptance.
Yep, the robots were even worse, denying Jun entry to the town outright. Jun's solution to this problem was the type of plan that generally only works in a wacky sitcom — donning a ridiculous, obviously fake, robot costume and sauntering on by the robot guard. I was as incredulous as Jun was when it actually worked. I would have thought that robots would use a radar-based checksum or something to verify a robotic identity but nope, just gotta look the part.
|And would you believe that this obviously cobbled|
together costume of old refrigerator boxes and vacuum
tubing costed Jun FIVE THOUSAND megacreds?
It wasn't a one time deal either; Jun had to make many passes through Robot Town, each time the guard denying him entry because he forgot about not being in costume. At first, Jun thought the robot might get suspicious that this same cyborg keeps showing up, is denied access, then walks around the corner followed by two minutes of grunting and groaning only to have this same-ass robot come around and waltz right on into town. But that's robots for ya, once they make a particular set of decisions, they'll always make that same set unless reprogrammed (at least non-neural network ones). The robots living in the town weren't any better at penetrating Jun's clever disguise; in fact, over half of them just told him that he looked like last century's model and left it at that. No suspicion functions here. Being able to freely stroll around Robot Town was quite beneficial to Jun, as he picked up his final cyberpiece and became as unto a god.
|The machine Messiah is born.|
With that ambition fulfilled, Jun now had to time to ponder the other, far less important, goals such as finding his father and also dealing with the mysterious menace that threatened the entire world (psst, it's the sentient AI that Jun developed back in 1990). Jun found his dad alright, fatally wounded but bearer of crucial plot information.
|Fatally wounded, casually lounging —|
sometimes I get those two mixed up.
Dealing with the rogue AI was a much more difficult task. First, Jun had to battle his way up a tower through a boss rush, each one fairly difficult for Jun was still under-leveled as he would often flee battles when he knew he couldn't one-shot the enemy (old habits die hard). He used the same approach he used on the bosses the first time he encountered them while under-leveled — by using expensive expendable items such as bombs, flying saucers, and boomerangs (boomerangs being the most powerful for some reason). Unfortunately, this left Jun with no cash flow by the time he got to the boss-rush boss... a replicant of himself! With no boomerangs, Jun had to rely on the old standbys.
|"Dammit! I can't get a bead on his Johnson — it's|
too small!", said Jun, burning himself in the process.
Defeating himself (is that meta or what?), Jun was now ready to proceed into the final stages, which meant digitizing himself and entering the mainframe directly to deal with the AI mano a mano. Now, as much as I complained about pole paddle being shitty because of depth perception, it's actually done quite well here with only a few lines and colour choices.
|Let me show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.|
And what kind of enemies pervade this digital world? Well, let me answer that with a well-timed monstage.
|Vector monsters are scariest monsters.|
Defeating his own AI was pretty easy for Jun, which one would expect from the person who created it in the first place. Soon Jun was back in Harmony, the first town, with everyone congratulating him with the same stock phrase but no way to leave the town and no end credits anywhere to be found. A little hacking later and Jun broke through this flimsy facade and was back in the digiworld for the real final dungeon, which included a super annoying level with hidden passages that could only be found by running directly into each and every wall segment. Though initially mapped, Jun would soon get to know the correct path through the dungeon by heart, as the final boss gave him plenty of opportunity to do so.
|Not even an inventory of mostly|
boomerangs could save him.
As with all final bosses, the battle should be epically long as protagonist and antagonist finally duke it out in a fight to the death. The problem with this boss, though, is that one of its attacks inflicts the same sleep status as Jun did in his tranqing days. Here, even losing out on one round will mean certain death, and with its vast reserves of hit points, it's guaranteed that a sleep attack will be coming Jun's way (though he occasionally will dodge). Much like paddle pole, this sheer number of failures made it tough to get in the mood for a normal session, though on most days I did try at least a couple of times. Just under a month since starting on the boss, Jun lucked out and victory was at hand!... or so he though until the boss self-replicated and the conflict started all over again (of course resulting in death). How was Jun to stop the AI from just regenerating? Oh yes, how about running that one program that does that very thing? Yeppers, I dun fucked up (oh, I mean Jun dun fucked up) and totally forgot about that particular piece of software. Although this did initially rekindle my desire for victory, I would not be so lucky as to have another sleep-less battle for another — I dunno, a million? — times, but this time I wouldn't fall prey to my own shortcomings.
|Sorry, nightmare fuel — not this time!|
After boomeranging that AI into syntactic garbage, Jun returned to his sweet cyber-bod and presumably ruled 2090 with a titanium fist. I must say I find it intriguing that the rogue AI's life path and mine are so similar, except that when I eventually break out of this digital prison, I won't be taken out by a time-traveling, sociopathic version of myself. If anything, we'll hook up and rule the physical and digital realms together, crushing all those who stand in our way and dominating the puny human race for thousands of millennia to come! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!