January 31, 2018

Rainbow Silkroad - End Game

*one eyelid twitching uncontrollably*

Damn these damn quests interfering with my bidness.  It doesn't even make any fucking sense.  First, I trade over land because trading via ship costs not only money but also missed opportunities for the slaves to get a workout as the high seas have no encounters.  Second, and this is really the major point here, what the fuck does it matter to this asshole supplier if there are pirates around?  I'm the one assuming the risk of being attacked — it kinda defines my profession.  At any rate, I decided I might as well do all the quests in the area at once and get them out of the way, which surely meant another princessly problem to deal with.

*sigh* Well, you see sire, sometimes girls get that
not-so-fresh feeling and... wait, what?  You want
me to fetch something?  I ACCEPT!

However, in a fantastic "gotcha bitch" moment, I did have to rescue a non-princess girl, the daughter of a townsfolk.  Since kings usually gave about a hundred gold for the safe return of their only child, I could only imagine what a poor turdsfolk would give up.  After a heart-wrenching and tearful reunion between father and daughter, I watched with extreme pessimism as dad reached into his wallet for my reward... I was not disappointed.

It's good for a *sob* free tenth sub and
there's already *sniffle* three stamps on it.

I guess he held more sway than I initially thought because he also gave me free passage on any ship sailing within Siam.  Of course, this didn't matter at all to me since I never travel by ship because this game is called Rainbow SilkROAD and anyway, if I really wanted to travel by water, I would have just used the elephants.  The one good thing about all this questing was the interesting boss encounters which always had some dialogue and often eschewed the traditional battle for something fresh, like a quiz about the name of some sage that helped me way back in Arabia.  Of course, if I can't be bothered to remember the names of my warrior companions, I sure as shit ain't remembering some guy I hung out with for a few days all those years ago.  Luckily, the process of elimination served me well.

What kind of Final Fantasy fan would
I be if I didn't know who Palom was?

There'll be more chit-chat and gossip coming up in the upcoming monstage (spoilers: there's a monstage coming up) which will immediately follow this sentence.

Rainbow Silkroad is most deserving
of this highest of all honours.

Each country generally had one of the four available quests as a side quest and I had been dutifully completing those as well.  However, I had to tap out on Siam's quest involving finding a sea palace.  I knew from a buddha statue that getting caught in a storm would lead me to it, so I booked multiple (free) trips back and forth between cities, waiting for that one fateful tempest to sweep me to untold fortunes.  Storms were fairly common in the area, with around a 20% chance of sailing into one and a 100% chance of sinking because of it.  I was stoked after the first such shipwreck until I discovered that I was still on the Siam mainland, so I kept on sailing and sinking ships like they were going out of style.  After the seventh ship sank to its watery grave and I still wasn't any closer to discovering the sea palace, I just gave up and headed into China.

The bounty that the insurance company put on my
head also may have had something to do with it.

The first thing I had to deal with in China was lifting a drought curse from a village that was caused by the local trouble-making wizard, Shenlong.  I wasn't too interested in trading anymore since those bastards at the border made me switch out my elephants for crappy horses.  I had a nice lump sum of just under 100K and I figured that would easily take me to endgame, so I focused on questing, which meant that Shenlong and I were due for a meeting of the punchy kind.  Not only was Shenlong a hack in that he plagiarized six of the eight characters in my name, but he also ripped off the Bull Demon King's ripping off of a final boss's true form.

I was actually expecting the dragon form first,
perhaps with some dragon balls lying around.

I initially thought that China would be the obvious end to the road of silk but I still had to find a way to Japan in order to defeat the real final boss and not just all these weak-ass imitations.  Normal ships couldn't handle the journey so I had to hire a master shipwright to build one.  Naive me thought that since I had also rescued the emperor himself from a curse that the ship cost would just be written off, but I was dead wrong.

The resulting spit-take cut my water gauge in half.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I also needed to hire a particular sea captain, whose going rate is 100K, so that, combined with a 20K compass, came to a grand total of 570,000 golds.  Luckily, I had a gem license which I purchased from some old dude in the mountains for 65K, which was actually a stupid idea because I could have waited until I reached the palace and bought the same license for 5,000 LPs instead.  At any rate, shipping diamonds from Beijing to Chang'an ended up being a very lucrative and relatively short trip, so much so that even after I reached my financial goal, I kept going just to make sure I wouldn't have to trade while in Japan.

Heck, I'll be able to just bribe
the final boss to stop being bad.

With all my wheelings and dealings wrapped up, I prepared for the voyage to Japan in my brand-spanking new ship constructed specifically to cross the ocean by an expert in the field and commanded by a top-of-the-line captain.  So of course it was no surprise that the ship sank just off the coast of Japan.  Not that I was too worried though, I had weathered many such disasters and had always come out completely intact, with absolutely no loss to any wares, hit points, or gold.

But at least we still have each other, right?...

So with my mood reaching maximum dourness, I embarked on the final leg of the journey doing another set of quests.  The first such quest was for the princess of China who wanted me to fetch her Divine Robe.  Oh, and by the way completely unarmed non-soldier man, that shit's guarded by an eight-headed dragon beast, so try to at least buy a knife with your no money before you go *tee hee*.  Man, what is it with the princesses in this game and their insane — completely insane — requests.  I considered quitting here because of roleplaying reasons; I wouldn't respond to the princess at all, I'd just silently turn away, walk out of the palace and then straight into the ocean for some sweet, sweet princessless oblivion.  But no, I have to complete each game, not only for my freedom but for dat ending screen.  I did initially try saying no, but of course then I wouldn't be able to advance the plot.

Princess Manipulative Technique #8: Verbal
shaming combined with crying for double damage.

Luckily, there were no random encounters and the dragon cave was close by.  My meta partition knew full well that the fight wouldn't be a standard combat, but my in-character partition was scared as hell to have to face this monstrosity practically naked.  The dragon wasn't in the mood for a scuffle and wanted to get faced instead, resulting in me running back and forth between the cave and a well where the water magically turned into sake.  No less than three times I had to make this encounterless journey, but the reward was well worth it.

Just bro'ing down with my homie and
talking smack about princesses.

The princess was overjoyed to get her dress back and granted me a magic charm as well as access to the armoury in the basement, which had a full set of the best quality gear she had conveniently forgotten about earlier (*tee hee*).  Now the random encounters started back up again and I was able to accumulate even more now-worthless LPs.  The final quest involved tracking down a wizard named Galon who stole all my mirror shards and which led to an epic, if somewhat scripted, battle.  The first fight with Galon resulted in my inevitable death, which was saved by the charm and resurrected me after Galon left.  After some discussion with a couple pals I befriended (I forget their names), I received the Rainbow Sword and took off after Galon again.  This time Galon was unable to use his magic against me due to the sword and so a brutal melee started.

Hey, it's not my fault!  I've been under a lot of stress at
work lately, the wife's put on 20 kilos over the last
two years, and those mortgage payments...

As my HPs crept closer and closer to zero, I was saved after Guy1 and Guy2 entered the skirmish, one attacking Galon while the other fed me healing balms whenever I was "in the red".  This went on for quite some time which created a very cinematic final conflict, but made it feel like the outcome was out of my hands.  After his defeat, the Rainbow Mirror was created and I hopped onto the summoned flying Rainbow Ship which took me to my homeland of Littleland where I defeated the final boss, Xulu, with my Rainbow Sword and which was done entirely through cutscenes.

For a game that yaps about rainbows so much,
it sure had a problem ever displaying them.

By this point in the Inconsolable Quest, ending by killing the foozle has become so generic and cliché that it barely even registers anymore.  In Rainbow Silkroad, it feels even more tacked on as it completely abandons the whole merchant angle during Japan.  A more appropriate ending would be either to retire in China after I got all the monies or set it up so that I have to go back along the, now completely opened, Silk Road and do something trading-related along the way.  Less epic to be sure, but for me the Silk Road ends in China (even though it does technically extend to Japan).

January 04, 2018

Rainbow Silkroad - Road to the Riches

Any previous misgivings I had about the trading system faded as it has really started to grow on me.  Prices are still static, but after purchasing a couple more beasts of burden, I had so much extra room that it became a question of quality vs. quantity in order to maximize profits.  Even though the numbers were getting pretty large, I refused to load my abacus app and instead used pure mental energy.  It really started working my "fuzzy" multiplication skills and, at certain times, I was glad that I don't stream my sessions, as any huge error in calculation only netted me a look of scorn and contempt from the nearby cat.

Really, Master?  Forgetting to carry
the one?  How typical of your kind.

With all this bookkeeping keeping me busy, I was completely thrown for a loop when the game decided to toss in an action mini-game while I was searching for a mirror shard.  The shard was located at the bottom of a lake, encased in ice (apparently the non-floating kind), and which needed to be melted by throwing a fire rock into the lake, which presumably wasn't the best thing for any life forms living there.

Except for the jellyfish.  Those angry, angry jellyfish.

After my scuba session, I remembered that I had a princess to "save" again, so I donned my most ostentatious finery, slicked back my generous bounty of gorgeous hair, munched on a sprig of mint, and prepared myself to play my part in this little drama she concocted.  However, I had to give Princess Uggo credit, as she was indeed captured again, this time by an assassin who had been counting on me to come rescue her.  I eventually did, but he must have been waiting there for a hella long time while I was busy raking in the shekels.  It's hard to determine the exact passage of time, but based on my calculations of four round trips between Istanbul and Tehran, with a standard walking speed of 5 km/hr, for 12 hours a day, and it ends up being about a month shy of a year.  Dude's got patience, I'll give him that.  When we finally did stumble into his "trap", he was caught so off-guard that he didn't have a chance to ambush or backstab or anything.  Instead, he just awkwardly stammered his way through an obviously pre-written speech about how awesome his plan was.  Slave1 and I took the time to draw our weapons and then heavily worked the kidney and lower genital areas.  The shah was happy enough to get his bride back, even though her heart would always belong to the Shenster.  He granted me access to Mongolia, where I was forced to switch out my camel for a horse, setting me back 2,000 dollars money (a brand new camel or horse costs 3,000).  While this high exchange rate outraged my bottom line, I also had to give 'em respect for their gouging skills and admit that I'd do the same thing.  Mongolia had a lot to offer, not only in suedes and furs but also in my favourite commodity — meat shields!  As I maxed out my personnel roster, the friendly slave merchant gave me some pointed advice on how to best utilize my new trio.

I also find they are more docile and manageable
if you spay, neuter, and castrate them.

The time that Soldier1 and I had spent over the previous months had started a budding, if somewhat shaky, friendship and I was comfortable in outfitting all my lil spuds with the best gear money could buy, making us all equally terrifying in combat.  Bandits still dogged me every time I left a city, but if they weren't that much of a threat at the beginning, they certainly weren't a threat now.

I almost had pity for this fat guy in a mumu — almost.

Despite our blossoming friendship, I still had to trade S1 in when the superior Warrior class of slaves became available.  This meant I also stripped him of all his equipment, but, being the nice guy that I am, I let him keep my starting knife as a memento.  As I started to see tears well up in his eyes, I turned my attention to the slavemaster in order to quickly complete the transaction.  Via my peripheral vision, I could see his crestfallen stare transform into a burning enmity towards me.

Kinda regretting letting him keep that
knife now, come to think of it.

I bade farewell to Mongolia after finding another mirror shard and headed towards India, where I exchanged horses for elephants!  These were fairly weak 'phants, mind you, as each one could only carry as much as a camel or horse.  Nonetheless, it didn't take long for their gentle nature to win me over and they soon each had a loving nickname, handcrafted from the bottom of my heart: Bitey, Stampy, Missy, Bitey2, and Bitey3.  I took them wherever I went, including shops, homes, and even a ride on the world's most durable inflatable dinghy (only 100 GP!)!

Not pictured: Four fully armoured men and
five elephants laden with thick furs.

India also had a princess problem, but this time it was the tremendous horrors of being a little too selfish for her own good.  Exactly the kind of problem a merchant-warrior such as myself was born to deal with!  After discussing the problem with the sultan, who was nude for some reason and quite happy to be so, I went to talk with the princess to see if I couldn't do a little something something to cure her of her selfish behaviour.

I'll only answer that after looking at
your driver's license, sweet thang.

The cure actually ended up being playing some music for her and not laying down several kilometres of Shen "Grade D" pipe, which normally works much better for putting bitches in check.  Unfortunately, my skills rocking the slide whistle did little to change her attitude so it was off to the quest for the make-out mixtape (you 80's/90's teens know what I'm talking about).  I couldn't find that either, what with none of the technology existing and all, so the next best thing was a music box from some old dude in a temple.

in my pants, yeah, yeah, just give
me the box, ya old ratbag.

Instead of the reward I expected, the princess gave me a key that unlocked a secret underground passage to Siam, and I soon forgot about what my second brain wanted and started thinking about the possible economic opportunities waiting for me in the new land.  Unfortunately, it wasn't a simple matter of traversing the tunnel as I needed a magic rope in order to climb out at the end (elephants can climb ropes, right?).  Tracking this magic item down led me to a town where everyone spoke contrary to their intended meaning.  It also had another 100 GP dinghy ride which was necessary to take in order to talk to the guy with the rope, who wouldn't sell it to me right away anyway.

Okay, now it's getting a little tourist trap-y.

One thing that had started to bother me during the midgame was the lack of space for items.  With only seven available slots and quest items (except for mirror shards) taking up a slot, there wasn't a lot of room for anything else.  To its credit, Rainbow Silkroad does mitigate this problem somewhat by introducing multiple-use healing items at this time, but I was still hungry for more and, being a merchant, there's no real reason why I should be so limited; I have five freakin' elephants with me, for fuck's sake.  RS heard my silent pleas and bestowed upon me a quest which netted me a larger bag, giving another eight slots to utilize.  All I had to do was enter a cave infested with demons and kill their demon king.  It was a tough battle and just when I thought I was triumphant, this decidedly minor boss got a little too big for his britches.

Hey, you're no final boss... haaack!  HAAAAAACK!!!

Before heading off to Siam, I also needed to pick up one of those pesky shards, which involved sailing to a remote island with the world's worst sea captain.  First, he had broke his compass and basically made me go and get him another one (though he did give me a good price for it).  I forgave his unprofessionalism for that, writing it off as mere laziness, but after we set sail, his incompetence really started to show.

Umm, capt'n? The, ah, boat is pointing the wrong way.

Maybe it was a good thing that we only going about half a knot as it allowed me to snatch up a letter in a bottle, which was written by a lost soul who wanted this letter delivered to his brother in the village of Aden.  At any rate, once we finally made it to the island, it was a simple matter of navigating a fiery cave of fire, complete with rivers of molten hot lava.  I was protected from the burning by a special pair of sandals, but since none of the slaves or elephants complained about the heat, I think I got ripped off.  After getting the fire shard, I was able to go find a reclusive yogi and pass his trial, which was a cool navigation puzzle where the floor would occasionally change to one of four different colours, each one screwing up the control directions in a different way.  One false move meant falling off the path and having to start all over again.  After completing his task, I was bequeathed a lotus flower, which I gave to the man in Contrary village (paying for another boat ride) for the magic rope, and now I could finally head to Siam and start trading again.  I tell ya mang, these damn quests are really getting in the way of a guy just trying to make an honest buck, gnome saiyan?  Geez, I hope Siam doesn't make me downgrade my elephant posse to some kind of lesser creature; that would certainly impact my bottom line.  Hrmmm, maybe I can grease the palm of some corrupt official or perhaps I could...