|Translation by KingMike|
Welp, it doesn't look like I'm going to be done with Morrowind anytime soon, so I'd better get Inconsolable back into the mix before it becomes completely defunct. I also kinda miss having something to riff on, as MW is a nearly flawless game (thanks to fan patches and mods). There's also been three more translations and they were all originally released prior to the date I'm currently at, which means I'll have to complete them first before carrying on. And don't think that I'm completely unaware that translations done at this point have had a low priority for a good, goddamn reason. At least I shouldn't have to worry about finding stuff to bitch about. So let's take it back to the class of '87 with the Light of Indra, which gave me a major grievance before I even left the first town.
|Oh sure, I've heard this line before.|
Despite buddy's assurance to the contrary, most townsfolk couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge my existence, much less tell me something that "may" help me. The town has about twenty residents and fully 4/5ths of them wouldn't react at all to my constant humping. Since this wasn't the first time I've come across NPCs that are functionally equivalent to furniture, I paid it no heed and continued on my way. Well, it wasn't until the third town or so (all with ~20 peeps) that I realized that I had to be talking directly to a NPC's face before parlaying could begin. So of course I had to revisit the other two towns and see what nuggets of wisdom I might had missed.
|The payoff was so worth it.|
Months of not playing crap had given me the patience of a saint, so even this odd approach to interaction didn't bother me ("Quirky", I thought.). As I backtracked it, however, a pattern began to emerge that took all of my available patience and rubbed it all over its sweaty, hairy ballsack. Considering that about 80% of the townsfolk are mobile, one would think that they'd move in a simply programmed random fashion, yeah? Well, that one would be wrong. Wrong and stupid (and ugly). No, the developers thought it wise to take the extra steps necessary to make sure all the NPCs will never face me on their own accord. This means that to interact with one of these colossal jackasses, one has to dash in front of them before they have a chance to turn away. Even worse, sometimes a townsfolk will outright stop moving if they are facing a wall and I'm directly behind them, waiting for them to move into one of the other two cardinal directions. You know what happens to NPCs that pull that kind of shit in Morrowind?... They die. They die in the raging blaze of a 100-point fireball. Alas, I can get no such satisfaction here.
|Narrow corridors too? Why you dirty, son-of-a...|
But I digress. So, how's the rest of the game so far? Unsurprisingly, it's a Dragon Quest clone but it also has some inspiration from the first Legend of Zelda. Not only does the overworld have the same look and feel as LoZ, it also has visible enemies moving around in real-time, initiating standard, turn-based combat upon touching. But wait! There's more! It also incorporates LoZ's hidden staircases which must be uncovered via objection interaction. Here it's just shoving boulders around, which is a far cry from LoZ's blowing shit up and setting shit on fire, but it's serviceable.
|Man, what I wouldn't give for a|
10-pack of bombs right about now.
All of LoI's treasure chests are hidden in this manner, at least in the overworld (dungeons have the staircases already visible). It's imperative that most of these are found, as they contain the lion's share of the available gold. It's not always gold that's found in these locations, either, sometimes a wizard lives there who will babble nonsense at me until I leave (see third screenshot for example of a town wizard). At first I maybe it was some kind of word puzzle, but it turned out I just needed to learn their language from an instructor (only took a second). The nonsense now sounded like magic spells being taught. I only had the aptitude to learn some of them, however, and Saba couldn't learn any. Oh? What's that? I haven't mentioned my good buddy Saba yet? Yeah, this ain't no solo adventure; Saba joined me early on for a tidy sum of gold. He's a strong man who can push heavier boulders than I can and he can also swing a mean sword. He also gets his own sprite on the overworld, endlessly following in my footsteps, albeit at a much slower pace. Sabs doesn't bother to dodge enemies either, resulting in much more combat than necessary. Sometimes he'll get lost/stuck on a previous screen (especially in dungeons), and I can either quickly backtrack to get him or spend MP on the first spell I received, Ahmed, which supposedly warps him to my side. I say supposedly because I've never actually used it because of the principle of the thing. Why the hell should I have to spend MP for a code routine that should be automatically run whenever a screen change occurs? Don't punish me for your incompetent pathing routines, game. I'll just spend the two seconds it takes to jog back and pick his sorry ass up.
|On second thought, Saba, you need a time out anyway.|
Well, it's taken this long to even mention what my primary quest is, so you know it's totally not going to be derivative in any way, shape, or form.
|Whoa, what a twist!|
Actually, that is just the intro quest for the first area. The main quest involves retrieving the titular light which was stolen by dark creatures from the god, Byrn, who promptly took a nap, allowing all these evil monsters to infest the land. Nice job, Byrn, you remind me of another jackass god I know. For now though, I've got a princess to worry about, who needs a dragon fang to cure her poisoned body.
|Will a red one do? We also|
have them in green and blue.
Killing the red dragon was embarrassingly easy. Apparently the dragon has an invulnerable shield, but I never got to see it in action since the first thing I did was fire a silver arrow from my golden bow which I knew would do something (thanks actually useful townsfolk!). Saba followed with a single attack which finished the poor booger off. One cured princess later, an ecstatic king gave his permission to allow me to cross a bridge into the next area. I'll be back, though, as half the wizards I talked to told me I couldn't learn their stupid spell, which undoubtedly means that a third member will be joining soon. I'm also mentally preparing myself for the inevitable jump in encounters that will happen with two morons blundering around the screen.