September 13, 2016

Jubei Quest - Cold Gettin' Dumb


Taking a breather before getting to work on the Cooler is proving to have been a wise move on my part.  There's actually text indicators showing that I'm on the right path while working on it, I was just too dumb to realize it.  This saves me a whole lot of work I was dreading having to do up until now.

Now we are so happy!  We do the dance of joy!

Now that no one needs fear ever having to drink a lukewarm beer again, I am fully expecting Penta to come over to the main world and join my posse, which conveniently has one slot available.  Imagine my surprise when we ended up with Rock.  Like Shiro at the end of his quest, Rock has an epiphany and a name change, which I promptly change back to Rock.  I don't even remember what the name is because I didn't write it down.  It doesn't help that our first meeting got off to somewhat of a bumpy start.

Hey!  Don't you try to oppress me with
your binary genders!  Triggered!

Rock is a straight-up melee bruiser with no special abilities other than good stats, but I still put him in the back row with some other guy I've never seen before.  Now it's off to the Ice Castle to defeat Daruma, who has kidnapped and frozen all the spring spirits in order to bring about perpetual winter.  To thaw them out, I bring some Fire Sake, don the goose down parka and solid gold toque, and set off for the frosty Ice Castle, which I'm sure will have its own set of challenges.

Including multiple rooms of this bullshit.

Doing a header into a pitfall sees me back at the castle entrance, not just falling a level down, and I'm ashamed to say that it wasn't long before the entrance and I became fast friends.  It's not that getting across each set of two chasms is all that difficult; rushing across as soon as they close is a guaranteed win.  The problem is that often there's an encounter whilst traversing and the nanosecond it takes me to get my bearings after usually results in disaster.  I think if I just stayed still, I'd be fine, but I panic every time and clumsily try to still get across, sometimes even in the wrong direction.  Eventually, a cooler head prevails and I'm defrosting fairies like a boss — at least until I run out of Fire Sake.  Damn there's a lot of these fucking fairies.  Luckily I've been finding sake in chests but I still manage to run out.  Rather than warp back to town and restock, I press ahead and hope to find more.  I'm pretty deep into this castle here; there's no way I want to attempt all those chasms again.  Most of the chests have traps but Jirokichi has around a 90% success rate disarming them.  Even if he fails, the penalty is normally some paltry damage or a fight, though there is one annoying, but rare, trap type.

As in, warp to the boss?...  Please?

Usually, even with a 1 in 10 chance to fail, I'm still not giving Jiro the opportunity to act out against me again, but damn, I needs some sake so I risk it.  How does it turn out?  Well, I can't count the exact number of foreskin lashings that Jirokichi is receiving, but suffice it to say, his penis is now effectively a vagina.  I vow never to return to the Ice Castle.  I've got the lion's share of the Cosmotrons; Dr. Main probably can't do shit without 'em.  Unfortunately, the castle dominates my dreams and I know I won't be able to rest easy until I beat Daruma.  I collect more shame as I abuse savestates in order to get across those dang chasms.  I then absolve the shame by rationalizing that the chasms are a realtime event and Inconsolable is all about the turn-based, baby.  In no time flat, I reach Daruma and punish him for having such an irksome castle by siccing Shiro on him.

Shiro has passed the point of just
merely biting his adversaries.

Daruma can't possibly hope to stand up to the ferocious combo attack by our resident high damage specialists, Shiro and Stanley.  Shiro casts his Double spell on Stan who then employs his 2nd Dan attack, which gives him a second attack.  This sums up to a total of FOUR attacks, allowing Stan (the man) to start slicing shit up like a samurai.  I get the obligatory Cosmotron and head back to town, where I head a rumour about a village to the south cursed with some sort of zombie problem.  I decide immediately to help, as I have plenty of experience in battling the endless hordes of the living undead.

Yeah, see, what cha got here is yer typical class 3
zombie infestation.  I'm seein' a lot of that this
time of year.  Now, what ya need is some good
quality, blessed holy water.  Me, personally?
I don't use anything less than a level 15 cleric,
but that's just me.  Now, look, I've got some HW
right outside in the van, I can get started
immediately after you just sign here.