July 27, 2016

Jubei Quest - Just Bean Brewed


After walking across sharks for what seemed like ages, Shiro and I finally arrive at the mainland and beeline it to the nearest town.  Too bad there are no immigration offices around because I can't understand a lick of what these folks are saying.  They just blather on and on, making no sense whatsoever.

Oh, so it's a nation of women, then?  HEYYYOOOO!

I head to the next town, hoping to find someone who speaks my native JRPGnese.  After talking to about fifteen people here, still no dice.  Getting exasperated, I power-walk to the final town in the area and still come up with nada.  Starting again from the first town, I find a hole in the ground just a bit north that I missed the first time.  Oh well, at least the monsters give good XP here.

Here's Shiro and I handling one of
the local menagerie with ease.

You'd think that our spy friend, Jirokichi, would be helpful in this situation, but you'd be dead wrong.  In fact, Jiro's performance over the past few chapters has steadily degraded.  Gone are the days of informative scrolls handcrafted with loving care and intel that is actually useful.  Instead, he just feeds me unsubstantiated rumours and hearsay and nowhere is it more obvious than here at the mainland.  Either Jiro knows the local dialect and should be translating for us, or he's just completely bullshitting me.  My money's on the latter.

That's obviously an embellishment, JK, but even if
it was true, what the fuck does that matter to me?
I'M AT HALF HIT POINTS AND
CAN'T STAY AT THE INN!

Anyway, back to the hole.  This little nerdlinger gives me a translation doohickey and soon we're embroiled in a local scandal involving illegal bean sprout trade.  Now, I'm no stranger to bean sprouts, as around half my suppers are fucking stir-fries, but I never figured them to be illicit in any way.  Further investigation reveals that it's actually a man named Lao Jai who wants to use the existing legal bean sprout trade route, ran by a Mr. Kyon Pi, to move his narcotic Ahan, which itself is derived from bean sprouts.  Kyon Pi is resisting Lao Jai's efforts which can lead to only one thing — MURDER!  The assassins strike down Kyon Pi right in front of us and disappear before any of us have a chance to care.  That little wiener that gave us the translator turns out to be Kyon Pi's son and now he wants to get back at Lao Jai for his father's brutal murder.  Well shit son, you are in luck because getting the revenge just happens to be the first and only question on the Nung Posse application form.  We all head to Pokin, where Lao Jai resides in his mansion.  Everyone in the town is right ripped on Ahan, except for one lovely lady who offers me a cup of tea.  I drink a pot of tea almost every day, so I immediately accept and, of course, it's spiked with Ahan, enough to knock all of us out.

Stupid like a fox!

We all awake inside of a cell with the real Lao Jai; the other is an evil imposter.  How to escape this trap?  Perhaps Jiro could appear and use some of his secret agent abilities to free us?  No, that won't work since he won't show his face if there's another person (or animal even) around, even if it means us rotting in here.  What's the next best solution?  Well, obviously it's to summon the spirit of Kyon Pi, have him hop all the way to Pikon, scare the Lao Jai imposter, causing him to fall down a flight of stairs, breaking his neck in the process, then take the key from the corpse and free us.  Ta-da!  From here, we head off to... oh wait, nevermind, chapter's over.  Ugh, looks like deciding to do one post per chapter was a stupid idea.  Then again, one could argue that this entire blog is a stupid idea, so I'll just stay the course.

Well, until next time, smoke 'em if you got 'em.