January 22, 2013

Legend of Peach Boy - End Game

There wasn't much more equipment I could buy and levelling started giving consistently poor stat gains a little after reaching level 40.  So my modus operandi ended up being to flee from all random encounters I could until reaching a boss and then unleashing all my pented up magic.  A few types of randoms were manageable but hardly worth the HP loss.  I also seemed to actually get worse as I gained levels; I started missing with a lot of my attacks.

The mighty squirrel deftly avoided the sloppy
attacks from the dim-witted Shen.

With the puzzle of Jizo row still on the backburner, I made my way to a hellish tower to where I thought the fourth treasure would be found.  The path through the tower was long and arduous with lots of dead ends.  I bravely fled past all the inhabitants and Hexagoned the end boss and his second form in just a few rounds.  To my surprise, there was still another level with yet another end boss at the end of it.

"Wha?  How did you make through
my impenetrable maze?"

To my disappointment, I did not acquire the treasure I sought but instead gained a new location to warp to.  The wizard there asked me if I had at least four treasures, which I did not.  So he obviously had the fifth and I now had to face my biggest fear and solve the Jizo row puzzle.  Before doing that, though, I decided to use up all my extra gold at the gambling dens that had been neglected up to this point.  Lots of great items to be had here, mostly the Magic Wands which restore MP up to full and often work more than once.  I got lucky again when one of the dens gave a me a scroll with a hint about the Jizo row puzzle.

Spoiler Alert: The above picture is a spoiler.

What made this revelation extra funny was that I had already tried looking at the first letter of each word but I had initially written down the words going from left to right so it was backwards.  I never thought to look at it in reverse because I are smirt.  It still took a little searching but eventually I found a secret entrance that led me to a vast cavern filled with bossy statues.

"Now put your left foot in
and shake it all about!"

Playing their little game netted me the Hourai fruit which allowed for the wizard to give me the last treasure.  I went to give the spoiled little Moon Princess her precious treasures but she had been kidnapped and taken to Oni Island.  Luckily, the Valor Sword was just out back behind her house and... hold up, the sword was just sitting in the backyard?  Oni are capturing and killing her people and, instead of just giving me the sword, she saw this as an opportunity to get five items off her wish list?  You know what?  The oni can keep the damn princess.  I still felt obligated to rescue all the other people so I went to the broken bridge that used to connect Oni Island with the mainland.  I held aloft my magical sword and expected to summon a boat or teleport there or something.  What I ended up actually doing was much, much cooler.

Moses ain't got nothing on me.

After killing the ocean, I finally found myself at Oni Island.  In what must have taken decades to design and build, the whole island was shaped like the head of an oni.  It'd only be visible from the air but I appreciated the work and toil that must have gone into creating it.

The mountains for the lower
incisors are just too cute.

The final dungeon was eerily free of random encounters which was a relief but also made me a little nervous.  My nerves didn't steer me wrong for when I approached Emma-Oh, the Devil King, he dissed me and then sent one of each type of oni in succession to fight me, starting from the easiest.

You leave my love life out of this!

As the oni bodies began to pile up behind me, I'm sure Emma-Oh must have started getting a tad worried, especially since I wasn't resorting to magic at all.  After about twenty or so oni, they finally stopped coming and Emma-Oh began to lament over them.  With no more minions to do his bidding, the humans were now free to return home.  With loss of his brethren still fresh in his mind, the grief-stricken Devil King cursed my name and attacked me.

Is... is that a single tear
I see there, Emma-Oh?

My stockpile of magic-replenishing items came in very handy as it was a long battle.  Emma-Oh was fond of healing himself, almost as much as I was.  Probably a third of the entire fight was spent just healing.  I burned through most of my MP reservoir, alternating between Hexagons and Omnipotents (maximum healing).  Immediately after getting beaten, Emma-Oh had a change of heart and now is all about love and valor and such.  He promised to only help the humans from now on but I'm pretty sure he's bullshitting.  He disappeared and the Moon Princess came out and congratulated me (mostly about getting those treasures, I bet).  Any gripe I had with the Princess vanished when she gave me a magical coach that can FLY ME TO THE MOON!

Sayonara, stupid earth! Maybe
I'll drop by sometime.

As I presumably embarked on some Moon missions, the end credits scrolled by.  They were fun to read as they kept the humour notched up throughout.  They even gave a shout-out to the guy who created the fart noises.  They just couldn't resist sticking one last flatulence reference in there.  Oh well, not an issue anymore because on the moon — no one can hear you fart.