June 12, 2012

Cosmic Wars - End Game


Cosmic Wars paints a bleak picture for the future of humanity.  Not only do they start with less planets and cash money than the Bacteroids, they also almost always get DOOMed (a random event) within the first five turns.  Getting doomed means absolutely no money generated for the turn, effectively crippling the entire nation.  No money for repairing and reloading starships.  No money to improve a planet's defenses and economy.  Worst of all, no money for building a fleet that turn.  Doesn't help that the Bacterians usually end up with a money boosting random event, ensuring they're able to build a super fleet to go against whatever shitty ships I can scrape together.  Doom is a bit harsh for a strategy game where there is only a single resource.  No more than 50%, I say!  And even that should be fairly rare.  So, staying true to my human roots, did I manage to buckle down and persevere against all odds during humanity's darkest hour?...  Or did I (also staying true to my human roots) just turncoat?

I, for one, welcome our new
Bacterian overlords.

There wasn't a whole lot of tension throughout any of the scenarios played.  It became evident very early on who would be the victor.  With the six rounds of battle each turn, opposing fleets generally end up decimating each other the first time they meet.  It became a race to see who could conquer as many neutral worlds as possible the quickest in order to outproduce the enemy.  This involves having the slow-ass bombers struggle through the terrain in each solar system in order to feebly bomb worlds.  If they take too much damage from return fire (and they will), they can hobble to the nearest space station to very slowly get repaired.  Normally, in a very long game, spending this much time not fighting isn't so bad; you do it once and benefit from it over the next few hours.  Most of my games didn't last more than five turns before DOOM sealed my doom.  So every replay, I'm spending three quarters of the time just taking over the same planets in the same solar systems over and over.  And watching the computer slowly do the same thing during its turn.  I should have just picked a medium sized universe instead of the most hugemungous one.

All my crying and whining is completely negated by the existence of one ship: the Star Gun (X-Cannon for the Bacteroids).  This is the BFG-9000 of Cosmic Wars.  Instead of yammering on about how jawesome it is, I'll let the animation speak for itself, in all its majesty.


Say 'allo to my little friend!