May 21, 2012

EarthBound Zero - End Game

Before making their way to Ellay, Shen and company head back into the desert to see what that tank-killing robot was guarding.  Turns out to be a large complex inhabited by talking, lying monkeys.  Mostly there for laughs as no simian really says anything useful.

She's twelve, you sick little monkey.

The only thing accomplished by going through this encounterless area is to change the Magicant exit to one closer to Youngtown.  Pointless since the gang can already teleport to Youngtown directly.  Onwards to Ellay.  Once there, the three pals have a few run-ins with the local toughs, the Bla-Bla Gang.  Not too tough to withstand the fireballs that Ana can unleash WITH HER MIND, however.  The only place of note in Ellay is a live show which requires a ticket (purchased at the store) to get in.  While taking the scene in, Shen gets offered a drink by a local hottie.  Shen cannot possibly refuse since his game is hella tight.  Just as he's about to get them seven digits, 5-0 shows up and puts Shen in the slammer.  After getting a slap on the wrist and released, Shen is right back to the club.  The hottie is giving him the cold shoulder now so Shen does what any red-blooded male would do in this situation... gets on stage and does a choreographed dance number.

♪ When you're a Jet, you're
a Jet all the way... ♫

It fails to captivate the hottie's heart but does get the attention of the Bla-Bla Gang's boss, Teddy, who storms in and attacks Shen.  After a few rounds, he gives Shen his props and decides to join the group, replacing Loid.  Teddy is a hard-hitting motherfucker and uses real weapons like a sword or a katana.  Grinding up a bunch of levels for the group now is cake.  They're needed for the treacherous Mount Itoi; the final area of the game.  Climbing up the mountains is tough even after the grinding but the group finds a healer's hut about half way up.  While staying for the night, Shen and Ana finds themselves alone with each other and they have a heart-to-heart.

Umm... you know we're twelve, right?

After not roleplaying this part, the two lovebirds get ready to leave when all of a sudden a giant robot smashes through the wall and attacks!  Alas, there is nothing to be done as the bot takes minimum damage and hits for hundreds.  Just when death's door seemed to be opening, Loid comes to the rescue in the fixed up tank and blows up the robot!... as well as Shen and the others.  Okay, Loid comes partially to the rescue!  Shen and Ana are able to be healed but Teddy is out of action. 

"Oh well, guess you've got a slot
open for me now, huh guys?"

Our would-be murderer rejoins the party and another climb up the mountain is attempted.  Encounters are brutal now that Teddy is gone.  Luckily the group comes across a dormant robot named EVE in a hidden laboratory.  Upon activating EVE, it tells them that Shen's great grandfather built it to protect Shen.  It then proceeds to one-punch its way up the mountain while the rest of the group sits back and sips on lemonade and iced tea.  Close to the summit, another giant robot is encountered and it and EVE proceed to smash each other to pieces. 

"Why?  Why was I programmed
to feel pain?"

Examining EVE aftewards has the robot ring out its death knell, which happens to be part of the tune that Shen is collecting for the queen of Magicant.  The final segment of the melody is found soon after from Shen's great grandfather's spirit, George, at his grave.  *deep breath* Shen finds out that the tune is really the love of his great grandmother, Maria, whose spirit in the form of the queen had created Magicant but then lost her memory so the group warps to Magicant to the queen and the tune restores her memory which reunites her with George which causes Magicant to disappear which warps the group back to the grave at the top of Mount Itoi.  *exhale* The final cave beckons.  The alien, Giegue, that has been snatching all the adults from Youngtown is confronted but it can't be hurt by any normal means.  The group has to sit there and absorb attacks while singing the special tune directly into Giegue's earhole.

Loid being five semitones off
key causes extra damage.

After about 20 rounds of belting it out, the song finally causes Giegue to bugger off and everyone is freed.  The game finishes with a bunch of cut scenes showing what everyone ends up doing after the climax.  Ana is reunited with her parents, Loid gets a hero's welcome back at his school, Teddy recovers from his injuries and sings daily at the bar, and Shen goes home and has a solid nap.

Lock the door or Ana might try to sneak in.

Unbeknownst to Shen, while he's sleeping the phone is ringing off the hook.  It's his father and he's desperately trying to leave a cliffhanger for the sequel.