September 18, 2017

Light of Indra - End Game

Crossing the bridge to the other side brought with it the expected increase in difficulty, which Saba and I handled fairly easily (avoiding the desert areas which contained the toughest monsters).  Coming across Kolste Castle, I wasted no time spending our hard earned golds on better equipment and healing items, then it was off to meet the king.  To my surprise, it turned out that Saba was the prince of this fair kingdom and he promptly left the group, items and all.

Can I at least have back the "World's Best Sidekick"
mug that I bought special... *sob* for you.

Prince Backstabber did not give any refunds, but I did receive a Strength ring so I could now move boulders without him.  Normally, I would have donned the ring and then proceeded to choke a ho, but truthfully, I was just happy to be solo again, even if it meant more difficult battles.  Of course, this was not meant to last long and soon I had a new, female companion named Lan, who was so badass that she more a mere dress into combat.  Of course, just like almost all females who try to act tough and aren't protected by societal conventions, she proceeded to die in the very first fight one step outside the town.  It's here that the interesting death mechanic reared its head.  Instead of following around as a ghost or whatever, she stayed dead in the location where she perished.  To resurrect her, I would have to go find a town chaplain, have him recall her soul, then go back to wherever she was buried and cast a Relaf spell.  Obviously, I had to take this opportunity to get more solo exploring in.

I'm sure she'll keep.

Eventually though, she needed to be brought back and we also added a woman-hating man named Gils to the party.

Well, the good ones do.

Now, your main man, the real Shen #1, is nothing short of a consummate ladies' man, so I could not abide this outdated sexist attitude and soon replaced him with the powerful Loki, one of my final companions.  I think we replaced Lan with a different girl, but I can't be sure because they all look the same to me.  At any rate, if I thought having one companion was a pain in the ass, then having two was more like having a cactus colonoscopy.  Having someone in the third slot exasperated the screen movement issues by a significant factor, pushing it to over two thirds of the time — and it didn't matter if it was in a dungeon, town, or a completely open plain.  Making matters even worse was that the female, who turned out to be named Sara, moved much slower than Loki, ensuring she'd get all of us embroiled in combat whether we wanted to or not.

Sara also wears a dress as her main form of
protection — AND SHE NEVER UPGRADES IT.

It's this one — utterly baffling — mechanic that takes this otherwise mediocre RPG and makes it fit for the pit.  I just don't understand what the developers were going for with this design decision.  In a dungeon it kinda makes sense but anywhere else it's just dumb.  Occasionally there'd be glitches as well, where the non-Shen characters would just disappear or end up on the opposite side of the screen and would only return after I went back and forth a few times.  These were minor annoyances, but it sets the stage for a major one.  So, I had just entered a new area and one of the first screens was split by an unsurpassable river.  On the other side, a dude could be seen wandering around.  Now, most of the areas in LoI consist of a fairly well-connected inner core surrounded by a long single-screen path of coast line.  On my way to talk with the obviously important dude, the glitch gremlin decided to have some fun and send the others across the river.  No problem though, because I can just cast Ahmed and warp them back to me, right?  Well, that would be the cast if they hadn't immediately been attacked, sending me over to their side.  The wife even had to poke her cute little head into the man cave and see if I was really pissed or just practicing my impersonation of Goku going Super Saiyan.  Oh, and when I finally reached the dude on the second attempt, all the while feverishly trying to keep Sara alive, my reward was this single line of dialogue.

Welp, looks like I'm going SSJ3.

I guess I can't blame him too much though, at least he manages to cobble a full sentence together, unlike most of his kin.

A small sampling of the local waste of sprites.

Well, since I've got the editor already opened, I might as well do up a monstage now.

Gotta use up those screenshots somehow.

Certain townsfolk didn't bother with any pleasantries at all, rather going straight to insulting the heavily armed, battle-scarred veteran of countless conflicts who was, might I remind, trying to awaken their god so that all the killing of townsfolk and whatnot would stop.

Oh yeah? Well... you-your mom... sh-shut up!

Awakening Mr. Byrn was easier than I expected.  Things starting coming together after we finally got rid of Sara and replaced her with the last companion, Sho.  All three of us are melee powerhouses and we each have a theme for our equipment; Loki is heaven, Sho is fire, and I'm earth.  Loki had a full set of gear for quite some time and Sho only needed one more item that we couldn't yet afford.  I was still stuck without my expected Earth Shield, so I figured I must have missed it for sale in one of the previous towns.  I needed to grind for Sho's last item anyway, so I went back and visiting every single town, enduring the screen transitions which didn't get any better now that Loki was in the third slot.  I couldn't find it so, fairly annoyed and mildly pissed, I went back to purchase the fire armour aaaannd it was the sword I wanted, not the armour which I already had.  I just purchased another fifteen minutes of grinding.  Well, at least I could sell the armour back for half price aaaannd the merchant only gave me 800 golds for a suit that cost 30,000 and which I had purchased literally ten seconds ago.  The funny thing about rage is that it doesn't matter if it's the game's fault or my own damn fault, the rage remains the same.  Okay, so after even more grinding, I was finally ready to head to the final temple, just a few screens away from the last town.  On the way, I found the Earth Shield in a cave because of course that's where it is.  The final cave was heavy on the maze elements which actually helped a bit as it made it more likely that monsters would spawn in an unreachable area.  The guardian to the final boss could not be touched by weapons, but when all three of us brandished our respective themed statue, the guardian disappeared into the ether.

It spent most of the time trying to blind us, which
does not prevent brandishing of statues.

With the guardian out of the way, the ultimate confrontation was about to begin.  We were fully stocked with a large quantity of the best healing item in the game and ready to beat down the final boss, all of us resplendent in our completed sets of equipment, aaaannd there was no final boss, just Byrn, who's a super computer and the Light of Indra its power source or something.  I dunno, it was a lot for our simple, medieval minds to take in.

What's a spaceship?  Also, what's a computer?

Must admit, I did not see that one coming.  Throughout the game, there was never even so much as a hint of any kind of futuristic theme.  I suppose credit is due to Byrn for making such a believable world for his simpleton passengers, but it raises all kinds of questions.  Does Byrn come from a planet where computer overlords rule over their human slaves?  Do they purposefully keep the humans in a relatively primitive mindset so as to better manage them?  Is Ibal just another planet being colonized by a superior metal god race, or was Byrn a rebel upset at the treatment of the chattel and so it abducted a bunch and fled into the cosmos to create its own version of utopia for them?  Such musings quickly faded as the end credits rolled and revealed that the first one hundred people to finish the game could send in a screenshot to Kemco and get a fantabulous prize, which was hopefully a full refund for this turd.  For me, just knowing that I'll never have to play Light of Indra again is reward enough.

August 17, 2017

[Game 064] Light of Indra (NES - 1987)

Translation by KingMike

Welp, it doesn't look like I'm going to be done with Morrowind anytime soon, so I'd better get Inconsolable back into the mix before it becomes completely defunct.  I also kinda miss having something to riff on, as MW is a nearly flawless game (thanks to fan patches and mods).  There's also been three more translations and they were all originally released prior to the date I'm currently at, which means I'll have to complete them first before carrying on.  And don't think that I'm completely unaware that translations done at this point have had a low priority for a good, goddamn reason.  At least I shouldn't have to worry about finding stuff to bitch about.  So let's take it back to the class of '87 with the Light of Indra, which gave me a major grievance before I even left the first town.

Oh sure, I've heard this line before.

Despite buddy's assurance to the contrary, most townsfolk couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge my existence, much less tell me something that "may" help me.  The town has about twenty residents and fully 4/5ths of them wouldn't react at all to my constant humping.  Since this wasn't the first time I've come across NPCs that are functionally equivalent to furniture, I paid it no heed and continued on my way.  Well, it wasn't until the third town or so (all with ~20 peeps) that I realized that I had to be talking directly to a NPC's face before parlaying could begin.  So of course I had to revisit the other two towns and see what nuggets of wisdom I might had missed.

The payoff was so worth it.

Months of not playing crap had given me the patience of a saint, so even this odd approach to interaction didn't bother me ("Quirky", I thought.).  As I backtracked it, however, a pattern began to emerge that took all of my available patience and rubbed it all over its sweaty, hairy ballsack.  Considering that about 80% of the townsfolk are mobile, one would think that they'd move in a simply programmed random fashion, yeah?  Well, that one would be wrong.  Wrong and stupid (and ugly).  No, the developers thought it wise to take the extra steps necessary to make sure all the NPCs will never face me on their own accord.  This means that to interact with one of these colossal jackasses, one has to dash in front of them before they have a chance to turn away.  Even worse, sometimes a townsfolk will outright stop moving if they are facing a wall and I'm directly behind them, waiting for them to move into one of the other two cardinal directions.  You know what happens to NPCs that pull that kind of shit in Morrowind?...  They die.  They die in the raging blaze of a 100-point fireball.  Alas, I can get no such satisfaction here.

Narrow corridors too?  Why you dirty, son-of-a...

But I digress.  So, how's the rest of the game so far?  Unsurprisingly, it's a Dragon Quest clone but it also has some inspiration from the first Legend of Zelda.  Not only does the overworld have the same look and feel as LoZ, it also has visible enemies moving around in real-time, initiating standard, turn-based combat upon touching.  But wait!  There's more!  It also incorporates LoZ's hidden staircases which must be uncovered via objection interaction.  Here it's just shoving boulders around, which is a far cry from LoZ's blowing shit up and setting shit on fire, but it's serviceable.

Man, what I wouldn't give for a
10-pack of bombs right about now.

All of LoI's treasure chests are hidden in this manner, at least in the overworld (dungeons have the staircases already visible).  It's imperative that most of these are found, as they contain the lion's share of the available gold.  It's not always gold that's found in these locations, either, sometimes a wizard lives there who will babble nonsense at me until I leave (see third screenshot for example of a town wizard).  At first I maybe it was some kind of word puzzle, but it turned out I just needed to learn their language from an instructor (only took a second).  The nonsense now sounded like magic spells being taught.  I only had the aptitude to learn some of them, however, and Saba couldn't learn any.  Oh?  What's that?  I haven't mentioned my good buddy Saba yet?  Yeah, this ain't no solo adventure; Saba joined me early on for a tidy sum of gold.  He's a strong man who can push heavier boulders than I can and he can also swing a mean sword.  He also gets his own sprite on the overworld, endlessly following in my footsteps, albeit at a much slower pace.  Sabs doesn't bother to dodge enemies either, resulting in much more combat than necessary.  Sometimes he'll get lost/stuck on a previous screen (especially in dungeons), and I can either quickly backtrack to get him or spend MP on the first spell I received, Ahmed, which supposedly warps him to my side.  I say supposedly because I've never actually used it because of the principle of the thing.  Why the hell should I have to spend MP for a code routine that should be automatically run whenever a screen change occurs?  Don't punish me for your incompetent pathing routines, game.  I'll just spend the two seconds it takes to jog back and pick his sorry ass up.

On second thought, Saba, you need a time out anyway.

Well, it's taken this long to even mention what my primary quest is, so you know it's totally not going to be derivative in any way, shape, or form.

Whoa, what a twist!

Actually, that is just the intro quest for the first area.  The main quest involves retrieving the titular light which was stolen by dark creatures from the god, Byrn, who promptly took a nap, allowing all these evil monsters to infest the land.  Nice job, Byrn, you remind me of another jackass god I know.  For now though, I've got a princess to worry about, who needs a dragon fang to cure her poisoned body.

Will a red one do?  We also
have them in green and blue.

Killing the red dragon was embarrassingly easy.  Apparently the dragon has an invulnerable shield, but I never got to see it in action since the first thing I did was fire a silver arrow from my golden bow which I knew would do something (thanks actually useful townsfolk!).  Saba followed with a single attack which finished the poor booger off.  One cured princess later, an ecstatic king gave his permission to allow me to cross a bridge into the next area.  I'll be back, though, as half the wizards I talked to told me I couldn't learn their stupid spell, which undoubtedly means that a third member will be joining soon.  I'm also mentally preparing myself for the inevitable jump in encounters that will happen with two morons blundering around the screen.

May 07, 2017

The Summer of Shen

Taking a break from the blog for the next few months.  I'd like to be able to say that it's due to some real life issue, like a kid or a job promotion, but no, it's vidja related.  Playing Morrowind for the first time ever (only played Arena and Daggerfall before) and I'm completely enthralled with it and especially with all the mods available.  Hopefully immersing myself in a really good game will refresh me enough to have endure the good odds that I'll be playing another crappy one for Inconsolable.  I also plan to buy a chunk of cheese the size of a car battery and just... just bite into it like it's an apple.  So have a good summer, y'all, and remember to keep your stick on the ice.